i feel woman when…

Today my dear friend asked me to answer a question for her sociology class.

I guess the universe knows when to ask all the right questions because not only had I already been thinking about this, but I was actively working on journaling an answer.

I’ve never been able to put this into my own words and this is the closest I can get so far.

Do you think of yourself as a stereotypical man or woman?

Short answer: no.

My whole life…I battled with wanting to be “one of the boys”.

But never quite understanding why that felt wrong. These were the same boys that picked me last in kickball.

These were the same boys that told me that tugged my hair and called ugly and as I got older it only got worse.

These were the same men that would buy me drinks and think that was permission to touch my ass.

These were the same men who thought it was funny to crack some misogynistic joke, only I wasn’t laughing.

These were the same men who would tell me I was “too intense” or “unlovable”.

These were the same men who had just as much respect for me as a brick wall.

So WHY did I want to be one of the “boys”.

If they were so awful, why did I want to fit in so eagerly.

It wasn’t until recently I began wondering if I was ever truly a girl?

I mean it never felt quite right to wear a dress, but I would put on a pair of heels and feel invincible.

In my heart I have always known I was never a girl.

I find comfort in fluidity and non-gender conforming roles. I think I’ve always known…

The one thing stopping me is that I LOVE being a woman.

I feel the power of being a woman in ways no one ever was able to explain to me.

I find it when I lead a meeting in a room full of men.

I find it when I see people attentively listening to my passions and desires.

I find it when I speak to other empowered women. I find it when I fight for social justice matters.

I find it in power.

Though I also find it in other things… I find it when I create.

I find it when I paint and when I read and when I write.

I find it when I am dancing around the kitchen making dinner.

I find it in music, and in art, and in love.

I find it when I am exploring a new place alone.

I find it laying naked in a lake staring at the stars.

I find it in the moon.

I stopped letting the physicality dictate my gender. I stopped listening to gender roles.

I find the edge between man and woman in experiences.

But I also love being a woman.

Empowerment and inspiration dictate my gender.

Experiences and nature dictate my gender.

My energy dictates my gender.

I don’t know if I ever will fully have the words to express the circle between man and woman.

I live in the comfort of fluidity.

and that is

OK.

Would love to hear your thoughts. Gender roles got me goooooddddd growing up.

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3 responses to “i feel woman when…”

    1. Thank you for reading!!

      Like

      1. You’re welcome 🖤🤞

        Liked by 1 person

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